"Adventure!"
by - Yoshihide, Tokyo, Japan
What’s with the Wai?
So what is with the Wai? If you’ve traveled on a Thai airline you would have received one from the air hosts and air hostesses when you got on the plane and again when you left it. If you’ve spent any length of time in Thailand then you will have certainly receive dozens of them from hotel staff, tour guides, sales and service people. So what is a Wai? What does it mean? When should you return a Wai or even initiate one? How do you Wai? The answers to these questions came to me over time and it was only recently when I got married in a Thai ceremony involving Monks and respected elders that I finally realized and understood the complexity of the Wai and the protocols involved in offering and receiving, and also the different types or levels of Wai that are used for different people. Yes, it is a little more complex than it first appears but once you understand the basic protocols you will be able to Wai with accuracy and confidence according to the social interaction and situation.
A few weeks ago I went to the apartment of my boss to meet with him and another colleague for a few quiet drinks on his balcony. Having not known him long it was the first time I had been to his apartment and when the door was opened by a Thai lady I assumed it was his wife. She was my social superior as the wife of my boss so I gave her the appropriate Wai as a greeting. The Wai was hurriedly returned and she scuttled away looking confused and a little uncomfortable and embarrassed. When his wife was introduced a moment later I realized the lady who opened the door was his housemaid and therefore would not be expecting to be offered a respectful Wai. Later in the evening I recounted the amusing incident to my boss, who is a long-term ex-pat, and my colleague who has only been in Thailand a few months. My colleague didn’t see the humor in my social faux-pax. I explained to him that in the social relationship between the housemaid and myself it should have been her offering me a higher Wai and me returning a lower one. “Huh?” he said. “Higher? Lower? What do you mean. I thought they were all the same. I love Wai-ing people. I do it to everyone. Taxi drivers, 7-11 staff, my building security guards.” My boss and I laughed at his naivety. “Yeah, they all laugh at me too,” he said. I told him that I used to do the same on my first few visits and my boss admitted that he did too. I also explained that the laughter would have been from mild amusement, embarrassment and humility rather than anything mean-spirited or malicious before briefly explaining the basic protocols to him.
To Wai you simply press you hands together as you would in prayer and then put your hands in one of four different heights, depending on who is being Wai-ed, and slightly bow and nod the head once. The height of the Wai is measured by where the tips of the thumbs touch the head or body. The highest Wai is reserved for members of the Royal Family and Buddhist Monks where the tips of the thumb are level with the bridge of the nose. The next level of Wai is reserved for respected elders such as grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles where the tips of the thumbs are at the level of the tip of the nose. The next level is where the tips of the thumbs are level with the chin. This is a much more common Wai and should be offered to anyone who is older or is an employer or is of a greater social status. The lowest level of Wai is where the tips of the thumbs are at chest level. This Wai is offered to friends and social equals. It is also the Wai that should be used in response if one is offered a Wai. So when initiating a Wai there are four levels to choose from but when returning a Wai there is only one – from chest level.
While this may sound complex it is really very simple for foreigners traveling in Thailand as it is highly unlikely that you are going to come across any Royalty, Monks, or respected elders from your family. This leaves you with two Wais and it is most likely that you will offer a Wai from the chin and return a Wai from the chest. The exception to this is if you have a Thai friend of about the same age and social position and you will Wai each other from the chest. Most Thai friends don’t bother with the formality of the Wai but if or when they do it is from chest level.
The Wai is used for any one of three reasons; when saying hello, goodbye and thank you. If you are saying goodbye and thank you at the same time there is no need to Wai twice. Probably the most crucial thing to remember is that it is the younger person or social inferior that should Wai first. As a foreigner in Thailand there are very few situations where you are expected to Wai but if you offer one it is always gratefully accepted. You are not expected to initiate a Wai with service and sales people such as hotel staff, taxi drivers or shop clerks. Thai people certainly don’t. This is why there was such a high level of amusement when my colleague was Wai-ing all and sundry. Many service staff will offer you a Wai first and it is appropriate for you to return a chest level Wai or you can simply nod your head in acceptance of their gesture. It is not considered rude to fail to return a Wai in such a situation.
The Wai is a very graceful, unique and important Thai custom and is central to the etiquette of social interactions. As a foreigner participating in this cultural practice it is important to understand this and an appropriately delivered Wai will impress and please the Thai people you are working or socializing with. Mistakes are forgiven but are also missed opportunities to show your cultural understanding and respect. You’ll be pleased to know that I spoke to my colleague again recently on this subject and he thanked me and told me that he now had his compulsive Wai-ing under control.
by Bryan Daysh, a freelance writer living in Thailand.
Read more articles in our ongoing education series:
Smiling Will Make Your Thailand Holiday
Giving, Maintaining and Saving Face in The Land of Smiles – Part 1
Giving, Maintaining and Saving Face in The Land of Smiles – Part 2
Thais, Money & Shopping, Part 1
Thais, Money & Shopping, Part 2
What’s with the Wai?
The Thais Love Their King
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