"Adventure!"
by - Yoshihide, Tokyo, Japan
Giving, Maintaining and Saving Face in The Land of Smiles – Part II
Last week I was walking down Sukhumvit Soi 11 in Bangkok to meet up with some friends currently backpacking in Thailand. This street is home to a couple of Bangkok’s premier nightclubs, an excellent underground pub with a live band, and a couple of cheap outdoor drinking establishments where you can catch up with friends and watch street life unfold. Street-food vendors catering to hungry locals and tourists line parts of the already crowded sidewalk, tucked hard up against the edge, precariously close to the drop down to the road where cars, tuk-tuks, and motorbikes squeeze their way through. There is one particular vendor who always gives me a big smile and I often stop to purchase some pork balls or a hot-dog on a skewer dipped in sweet-chili sauce; perfect before or after a couple of cold beers. As I made my way towards her she was standing with a patient smile looking at her food cart, which had had one leg knocked off by a passing car and had tipped over onto the road. Scores of skewered pork balls and hot-dogs lay ruined in the street. No snack for me!
The offending car was blocking the road while the driver and street vendor seemed to be having a very calm and amicable discussion with light smiles playing on their lips. They negotiated a settlement, the driver handed over some money and a business card, and then he drove cautiously off into the night. The lady vendor set about cleaning up with a rueful but accepting smile. Her trade was ruined for the night. A few of her friends from neighboring food carts pitched in to help and they were all soon laughing and joking. What struck me was that at no point was any anger or frustration displayed. There was no shouting, finger pointing, or aggressive behavior. They dealt with it with a level of maturity, almost like adults. It made me reflect on a couple of similar incidents I have witnessed in two different Western countries. In both incidents the participants behaved with an adolescent lack of patience as they shouted, accused and almost came to blows. In both cases the Police were required to sort things out before insurance companies got involved to add more paperwork and frustration to the scene.
As I sat on the other side of the road with my backpacker friends, nursing a cold beer, I reflected on what I had just seen. My conclusion was that the calm and dignified interaction, rather than confrontation, had much to do with the Thai concept of giving, maintaining and saving face. The driver made an error of judgment. He was embarrassed. The lady vendor could have jumped up and down, shouted and accused, and expressed her anger at his carelessness. She did not. She remained calm and allowed the driver the opportunity to save face by having a calm and rational conversation at the end of which he paid for the damage and loss of business. They smiled politely throughout and left on friendly terms. Then she had to clean up the mess. Scraping food off the road is not the most fun or dignified thing to be doing. So what happened? Her friends joined her and started having sanook or fun so that she saved face. Of course everyone was watching what was unfolding, especially the foreign tourists who passed by. My friends were expecting something explosive to happen and were even a little disappointed that there wasn’t really much excitement at all. Then the bizarre sight of an elephant trekking along the street cheered them up a bit. Bangkok isn’t boring after all!
The lesson in this is to remain calm and dignified at all times. Even if you feel that you have been wronged in some way in an interaction with a Thai, there is absolutely no point in showing anger. You will not get anywhere with any other approach than the one described above. If you are dealing with a Thai in Thailand, it is better to do it the Thai way. Alternatively, you could try getting angry and upset by shouting and stomping your feet to get your annoyance across. You will probably discover that expressing anger and annoyance will get you nothing but trouble because this will cause a loss of face for the Thai person. What could be a straightforward situation with a straightforward solution can quickly escalate into something very nasty and as a foreigner it is highly likely that you will not win.
Most conflicts between Thais and foreigners initially come about through a misunderstanding over a service promised or a contentious financial transaction. In many cases they involve both. The first thing to consider is whether it is worth worrying about. Sometimes it is better to just walk away from a conflict situation, especially if you don’t feel you can handle it in a ‘Thai way.’ If it is something you feel strongly about then you need to think about what you have to gain and what you have to lose. If you still want a resolution then proceed with caution – and with a smile!
Read the next article in our education series on how the Thais view money, bargaining and transactions and how you can ensure your shopping experience in Thailand doesn’t turn into a stressful battle over perceived rip-offs.
by Bryan Daysh, a freelance writer living in Thailand
Read more articles in our ongoing education series:
Smiling Will Make Your Thailand Holiday
Giving, Maintaining and Saving Face in The Land of Smiles – Part 1
Giving, Maintaining and Saving Face in The Land of Smiles – Part 2
Thais, Money & Shopping, Part 1
Thais, Money & Shopping, Part 2
What’s with the Wai?
The Thais Love Their King
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