"Adventure!"
by - Yoshihide, Tokyo, Japan
Giving, Saving and Maintaining Face in The Land of Smiles – Part 1
On one of our frequent morning bicycle rides in Thailand my girlfriend had what could easily have been a fatal accident. While she learned a valuable lesson on the importance of wearing a protective cycle helmet, I learned a valuable lesson on how the concept of “face” works in everyday situations in Thailand.
In “The Land of Smiles” you will often see street-cleaners in bright orange or yellow vests sweeping the footpaths, gutters and roads. It is not one of the most prestigious jobs in the world and on that particular morning we came across two old ladies who were in their sixties and probably working in that job because they no longer had family supporting them. It is a sad but not uncommon sight. As we rode along, one of these old ladies suddenly stepped out onto the road and pushed her broom out so that it tangled with my girlfriend’s bike, sending her flying over the handle-bars. As her head crashed against the curb I leaped off my bike in panic and was beside her in an instant. Fortunately her cycle helmet took the impact and apart from a grazed knee and bruised elbow and shoulder she was fine. My panic, turned to relief and then to anger. Why anger? I looked up to see that the lady whose careless behavior had caused the accident was standing there with a smile on her face, giggling. My blood hit boiling point in an instant and I roughly barked at her, “What the hell are you laughing at? You think this is funny?” She probably didn’t understand me but my anger was clear. She giggled again. I turned back to my girlfriend who was tight-lipped and giving me that subtle look of disapproval that I’ve come to know so well as I’ve blundered my way through the minefield of Thai cultural sensitivities. She quickly got to her feet, gave the old lady a smile and hiding her pain, got back on her bike and rode off ahead of me.
When we got home she said this to me: “Honey, she didn’t think it was funny. She was embarrassed. That was why she was smiling and giggling. That was her way of saving face. You should not get angry. Now you lose face and I am with you, so I lose face too.” We replaced her helmet, which had a big crack in it, and despite her badly grazed knee she insisted on riding again the following morning. She led the way and was on the lookout for the old lady. When she spotted her she stopped, smiled and had a brief conversation to say that she was fine. I forced myself to give my best smile and off we went. The next morning when we saw her again she stopped us and insisted we take a big bag of mangoes, despite the obvious disparity in our wealth. My girlfriend accepted and there were smiles all round. Every time we see her now she gives a wave and a warm smile that I make sure I return with interest.
The concept of “face” in Thailand is fundamental to the way the Thai people interact with each other in a million ways every day. As a foreigner either living and working in Thailand or vacationing here it is vital that you have a basic understanding of how you can give, maintain and save face to ensure you have harmonious relations with the locals. In this context the word “face” refers to the value or standing of someone in the eyes of others. The most appropriate synonyms are probably “status,” “prestige,” or “position.” Thai society places much more emphasis on the collective than the individual so Thais tend not to be overly judgmental or critical of others as it is seen to be harmful to the group as a whole.
No matter how wealthy or poor, educated or ignorant, diligent or lazy, everyone will be offered a degree of dignity by all others. There is an acceptance that life can be economically challenging in a developing nation and that everyone has to make a living one way or another. At least on the surface it is acceptable, for example, for a young Thai woman to be seen on the arm of an older foreign gentleman and it is not an uncommon sight. Some may not necessarily approve but the couple will not be treated with contempt by Thais but with a level of outward respect and dignity. Privately, they may disapprove but they will do nothing that will result in the loss of face. The Thais believe that in making someone else lose face you also lose face yourself. Some people will, in fact, admire the lady’s ability or good fortune to have found a partner with the economic means to provide financial support. In that sense she gains some face.
So, how does this complex business of giving, maintaining and saving face operate in practical terms? By showing an outward appearance of calm and self-dignity; by offering or accepting an “out” that excuses ones’ decision or behavior; and by understanding the use of a smile and offering it appropriately. Sound complicated? No, it isn’t. In many ways it is not dissimilar to how we operate in our social interactions in the Western world. Watch for upcoming articles which will outline these concepts a little more clearly with some examples from East and West.
By John Daysh, a published novelist living in Thailand and Flight of the Gibbon Guest Writer
Read more articles in our ongoing education series:
Smiling Will Make Your Thailand Holiday
Giving, Maintaining and Saving Face in The Land of Smiles – Part 1
Giving, Maintaining and Saving Face in The Land of Smiles – Part 2
Thais, Money & Shopping, Part 1
Want to know more about
Flight of the Gibbon Adventure Tours?
Go to our Home Page and discover the adventure of a lifetime
Or Get more details and make your reservation now
